About

Len Northfield (zeno, doobyus, gjoe) is a man in his (early) fifties with an absurd streak a mile wide. He enjoys hiding from the glare of public scrutiny whilst taking pleasure from manipulating the world to suit his own twisted ends.

A frustrated writer, he operates in the demi-monde of the Business Consultant masquerading as an expert in a variety of disciplines. He has escaped discovery so far but it should be noted that his daily rate does not adequately reflect his level of competence.

He began life in a picturesque mining village nestled in the verdant glens of Lanarkshire, Scotland but, having managed to fumble his way through puberty, he felt that to achieve his goal of tricking people into believing he was suave, debonair and worldly he had to have a rogueish history, so he ran away to sea.

After many, varied and often dubious, global adventures he ran away from the sea to become an accountant and, through no fault of his own, found himself in various positions of considerable authority, which commanded much respect from the gullible.

Despite worldly success Len decided that enough was never quite enough and married a gorgeous, intelligent and sexy woman, much younger than him, who subsequently bore him four beautiful and delightful children. Their marriage continues to be deep, meaningful and energetic.

Now back in Scotland after several years in the capital of Europe, Len has yet to decide upon a name for his office.

Comfortably settling into his chosen role of patriarch, raconteur and all round wit, Len has decided to unleash his inimitable style onto cyberspace to help, as he puts it himself, “illuminate the dark corners of the universal psyche”. Whether this will come to pass remains to be seen but the light shines nonetheless.

Len does not like eating fish or coagulated animal fat. He is a fan of red wine and the smell of rubber in enclosed spaces. Golf makes him nervous and he has a genuine fear of books with no words in them.

His car is a small Italian roadster of 70s vintage which rattles almost as much as the man himself Japanese fleeing machine that smells strongly of dog and makes fabulous noises as it hurtles round corners.

He is an obsessive for magazines of any kind, believing that they are the only tool by which one can learn “what things are really about”. He has become a recognised expert in dog grooming using this method of self-improvement and intends to open a Poodle Parlour/Korean Restaurant as soon as he can negotiate appropriate financial backing. He is also universally considered to be one of the major contributors to post-modern deconstructionist thought, having once read a book by Jacques Derrida.

It is only by chance, and as a consequence of an embarrassing episode in Buenos Aires with a transvestite policeman/woman, that Len is not currently a millionaire furniture designer living in the Cook Islands with Kate Winslet (and her sister).

Disclaimer:  Very little of the above profile can be taken at face value and no responsibility is taken for the gullibility of some readers and the consequences thereof.