A Little Something That Helps me Smile

Posted by zeno on July 19, 2010

Time you knew SOME details

Posted by zeno on

It has often been suggested that blogging, at least the type of blogging I do, is pure self indulgence. I can’t argue with that, it satisfies a deep craving for love and attention. It’s true that I have always been chronically self indulgent. So much so that I often stop strangers in the street and quiz them as to why they are not more interested in ME. That’s not true, by the way, I am self indulgent, not crazy. At least not that kind of crazy.

SO anyway, this type of blogging, the interesting type of blogging as I like to think of it, opens little windows into the lives if the writers. Even if the writing is poor the spirit is strong, and that shows a certain enthusiasm for life, doesn’t it? Telling everyone how lousy (or fabulous) your sex life is, explaining in detail the process by which you drain your beloved chihuahua’s blocked anal gland, exposing the world to your immense poetic talent, all of these things take guts.

The truth of the matter is that we all have needs of various sorts, my needs tend towards a desperate craving for attention and, if ladies choose to send me pictures of their breasts, so much the better. I’m sure that drew a serious grue from my younger readers, but I am what I am and I have always been, take me or leave me. Actually, for the most part the choice is “leave me”.

Which leads me to the events of this year. Any of you who were at my birthday party (fabulous cake) will have heard me announce that this was going to be a BIG year, the biggest of my life. I was looking forward to it with a hunger and an enthusiasm that I hadn’t felt since I was 16 and in a park in Meikle Earnock for, let’s just say, lessons in life.

So here’s the list of BIG things I’ve encountered this year:

1. Amber isn’t sure if she wants to be married to me;
2. Friend chooses this exact time to pay me a “surprise” visit in Brussels and gets pissed off when I use the phrase “bunny boiler”;
3. I discover that my crushed vertebra (T10 for those of a medical persuasion) and broken back muscle are not fixable;
4. I discover I have osteoporosis and a “high risk” of further spinal fractures;
5. I become addicted to narcotics and develop an unhealthy fondness for Diazepam;
6. My three year contract extension is reduced to a sixty day contract extension;
7. Amber chooses to divorce me (I honestly can’t blame her, considering);
8. I discover this morning that my 60 day contract extension has now become a zero day contract extension, i.e. no job, AND I have already booked my flights;
9. I am fatter than I have ever been and therefore a an ugly portly curmudgeon (thank you Susan);
10. Friends are concerned for my mental well-being which, all things considered, is fair, because I have suffered from depression since I was seven but didn’t get treatment until a scary episode in 1988;
11. My house renovations are “almost” finished. Note, “almost”;
12. I will now have to sell the house, unfinished, and in the worst possible market conditions, and will probably lose money because I’m utterly desperate;
13. I am too much of a fucking nutter for anyone to remain friends with me for any length of time;
14. I am as stoney broke as I have ever been;
15. I’m barred from speaking to my closest friend.

On the upside, the head pain helps distract me from all this shit;

But there have to be good things too, right?

1. My kids are amazing and smart and beautiful and talented (that includes the informally adopted ones);
2. My eyes are still blue (though I do need glasses now);
3. I’m not bald;
4. I can write better than most people I know (including Marting fucking Amis);
5. I don’t actually have an anger problem;
6. Sex, in all it’s many guises, doesn’t seem quite so important any more;
7. Pasta is cheap;
8. I have lots of toys;
9. I have learned (the hard way) that I don’t need anyone;
10. I can still take most of you in a fight.

SO, big year it has certainly been. I still have a sense of humour, which when combined with despair just makes the poo jokes all the funnier… and I still care about you. All of you.

More will come, this is just an update, OK?

Love